5 Worthy CSS Tips

“After reading “5 Steps To CSS Heaven” and disagreeing with some of what was said I thought that writing this would be appropriate…so here are 5 quick tips that help me out in my day to day work. I wouldn’t call them best practices because everybody has a style that works for them, but these are what work best for me.”

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Of The Computers, By The Computers, For The Computers

I don’t know how I’m going to this but I think I’m also going to use OMG!!!Ponies!!! as an iBlog.  Let me explain.

Everyone has these widgets and lists and such.  I want to aggregate them onto one blog that, for no purpose whatsoever, documents the music I listened to on any given day, the book that I was reading, what I ate, et cetera et cetera.  It probably won’t make for good reading material but, taken as a whole, it could probably be interesting.

Who knows.  Right now, OMG!!!Ponies!!! needs a lot of work.

A New Type Of Outrage

“Greetings loyal employee. Your workday is brought to you by Happy Sunny Big Chinese Bank… our Bank will make you Happy. With Happy Sunny Big Chinese Free Checking and Happy Sunny Big Chinese Dollars, Happy Sunny Big Chinese Bank wants to be a part of your modern lifestyle. Together, we will embrace the Happy Sunny Big Chinese world. Come to Happy Sunny Big Chinese Bank. Thank you for your attention. This commercial interruption has been deducted from your paycheck.”

As if I’m not outraged enough, I have found yet another level of outrage – a deeper outrage that taps into my Communist-leaning soul.  Because of commercial announcements in the workplace.

I just endured a meeting that was, on one level, extraordinarily awkward and, on a whole different level, representative of the level to which America has sunk. Myself and everyone else who, like a good little worker bee, was eating lunch at the desk, were called into the Boss’ office for a very special announcement. What could it be? Did we win the big case? Did we sign up a big new account? Was a Very Important Person stopping by to thank the firm for all of its hard work? No, I am now receiving commercials at work.  It’s come to this.

We received a speech from someone at the Bank, telling us about the Bank’s fabulous new free checking deal. Sign up for a free checking account and get a free one-night stay at any Marriott in the country. Then, the Boss proceeded to tell us that we are probably paying for our checking accounts now and we should all switch to that Bank. It’s a great deal. You can’t beat it with a stick.

This is what I’ve been reduced to: eating my lunch at my desk only to have it interrupted by a f*cking COMMERCIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! WTF?!? I am getting advertising delivered to me IN PERSON AT WORK WHEN I”M ON LUNCH! This job! this country! this system! is so mother*fcking f*cked that I can’t see through all the outrage.

F*cking commercials at work!

On top of that, I’m disgusted at myself and proud of myself for the remarkable restraint I showed. I have a “free” checking account with that Bank. It’s not free. And I don’t get a free night’s stay at any Marriott hotel in the country because I’ve been a loyal gullible easily appeased customer victim of the Bank for seven years (fifteen if you count the two banks that this Bank bought out). Oh, and in case you’re wondering which bank, it’s the Chinese bank owned by the House of Saud. I’m extra-special proud of supporting that sh*t.

And don’t get me started on the Russian that they have who sells annuities to people who don’t need/want annuities in a boiler-room style delivery. How skeevy can it get?

I swear, I think that “he” must be lonely. He called a salesman to come down to deliver a pitch. His new name is Bizarro Burns. In the normal world, people don’t welcome salesman into their homes/paces of work. In Bizarro world, our workday is interrupted to hear pitches from salesman. F*cking Bizarro workplace. This place needs a match in a file on a Friday night.

Why am I outraged? A “free checking” account at that Bank is nothing I don’t know about. I have that account. So, is it because I’m being offered something that is meaningless to me?

A free night’s stay somewhere in the country? My two week’s vacation is in North Carolina where I stay with my family at our house. Moreover, my random free days are generally spent at other relative’s houses around the country. So, is it because the fabulous prize is unusable by me?

I’ve sort of given up on raging against the machine. Nevertheless, there was something vaguely wrong about two people then signing up for the “free checking” account. So, is it because of the pervasiveness of our consumer culture?

Yes to all, no to all. Mainly, it’s because my time was wasted. So now I am wasting time in revenge. It’s all I have left because I don’t even have possession of my own time. F*CK AMERICA. F*CK THE WORLD. F*CK THE BANKS. F*CK MY BIZARRO BOSS.

Now then…

…where did I put those matches?

Help Save A School From Overcrowding

On my way home from work, I saw a group of protesters – penned in I should add – who were exercising their 1st Amendment rights of assembly and free speech to protest an act of brilliance by NYC Chancellor Joel Klein.  What struck me is the hands-on lesson in civics and the Constitution.  I saw grade schoolers learning first-hand how to stand up for their rights.  I have posted the text of the school’s homepage for review.  Any school that is willing to do this gets my vote.  Screw textbooks and the Regents exam.  What I saw was a living, breathing history/civics class.

Of course, I still disagree with the b.s. way that protesters are put in pens nowadays.  Safety my ass.  It’s demeaning and anathema to the intent of the framers of the Constitution.  This 21st century practice needs to stop.  Free speech and free assembly should be free.

The Food (Cart) Critic

And now for a little feature that all periodicals need: restaurant reviews. Well, I think that NYC has its restaurant bases pretty well covered. There’s the NY Times, Zagat’s, CitySearch, even Michelin. So, no sense in trying to muscle in on that ground. However, conspicuously absent is reviews of food carts. I’m not talking about carts that are affiliated with restaurants (NY Times covered them). I mean food carts.

This review is of Magic Grill, on the corner of Wall Street and Front Street. Magic Grill serves up a variety of morning pastry, including all manner of donuts, crullers, danish, croissants, bagels, and, if you get there early enough, bialy. It has both regular and decaf coffee with several flavorings that can be added. But where Magic Grill shines is in its cooked food.

How to Silkscreen Posters and Shirts

Silkscreening is such a great happy medium nestled comfortably half-way between hand-drawn and mass production, more colourful than photocopying and with an aesthetic all its own.

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MySpace

WTF?!  That’s all I have to say.  I’ve gotten an email from my high school girlfriend from MySpace and, most recently, an email from this girl I totally was hot for.  I have one more thing to say:

F*ck you, Congress and all you pandering politicians.  F*ck you for making MySpace a modern villain because your constituents are piss-poor parents.  MySpace is yet another example of social networking in the 21st century that works.  No, Tom is not my friend.  But you aren’t either Congress.  MySpace works.  F*ck you.

I Have A Plan

geebee inspired a new list last night – You Made Baby Jesus Cry.  Yes, that is worthy of a page of stupidity all its own.  So here is what I was thinking.  I have OMG!!!Ponies!!! parked and doing nothing but taking up space.  My plan, I think, is to have OMG!!!Ponies!!! be the clearinghouse for static stupidity such as “Why Your Pony Died,” “Why Pirates are WAAAAAAAAY Cooler Than Ninjas” and “You Made Baby Jesus Cry.”

I realize that there is no way for me to run to blogs at once and stupidity pages are low-maintenance.  So, in a few days, you will be able to get your Puddin’ flavored interweb stupidity at www.omg-ponies.com.  Why ponies?  Because making fun of ponies is as easy as shooting fish in a barrel blowing up fish in a barrel by wrapping the barrel with a shitton of dynamite.

Post-Drinking Post

I was never big on math.  Never really saw any “real world” application to it.  Boy, was I wrong.  3×3x3=27.  Yes, embee can cube, and not just avocados, tofu, and beef.  A tower of 3 level of PBR, each level being 3×3, contains 27 cans.  3 more than a case.  Oooh, this is like that gematria sh*t in Kabballah (let me just give a shout-out to Esther – oh wait, she’s not Jewish).

27 PBR.  Inoccuous enough.  Well, if we can build 3×3x3, why not 4×4x4?  That is 64 cans of PBR.  Now, let’s pause for a little more math.  A can of PBR contains 12 oz. of “lager.”  A 3×3x3 tower contains 324 oz. of beer.  And that tower built from the empty cans means we drank about 324 oz. of beer.  Collectively, we had already drunk two and one-half gallons of beer.

To go from 3×3x3 to 4×4x4, we would have to drink 37 more beers.  Or another 444 oz. of PBR.  (444 to get 4×4x4 – more gematria).  Could we do it?  The tension built along with our bladder pressure.  I am proud (?) to say that yes, the CBNYC team pulled through and consumed 64 PBR last night.  768 oz. of beer.  6 gallons of PBR.

We also consumed 55 sliders, 3 baskets of fries, and 2 orders of onion rings.  It was a night devoted to gluttony and immoderation.  Now, for all you recovering from last night – a sneak preview.  More to follow once I set up a Flickr gallery.

Arsenal Loses To Barcelona 2-1

From the BBC:

Sol Campbell’s thumping header gave Arsenal a 37th minute lead – after goalkeeper Jens Lehmann had been sent off for bringing down Samuel Eto’o. Thierry Henry missed a crucial chance to give Arsenal a two-goal lead before Eto’o fired home with 14 minutes left. Henrik Larsson then set up fellow substitute Juliano Belletti four minutes later to sink the Gunners.